Surfers Categorised
When I first started surfing, my mother was worried cause she was under the impression that “drug addicts” hung out at my local surf spot. Whether she was right or wrong, I didn’t know, I was too young to understand what drugs were or did. And in fact I couldn’t care less. All I wanted to do was surf. But it certainly does raise an interesting point, my mother and many other people at the time were under the impression that surfers were a bunch of bums, hanging around, smoking weed and waiting for the wind to swing offshore. You know when you flip open a News Paper or any non-surf related publication and the title reads something like, “The Best Advice I Got was From a Surfer Dude.” Or “Hanging Ten” it’s like surfers are still in many ways viewed as these derelict bums, that are waiting for the next Big Wave. They still view us like my mom did all those years ago. But surfing has changed. The weed smoking “surfer dudes” have all but dissipated (except for a select few) and now everyone from your aunt to your dad’s second cousins brother twice removed who now lives in Stuttgart surfs.
If you classify surfers as “surfer dudes” I would go so far as to say you live under a rather large rock, perhaps even a mountain. Surfers are of many different types; this is made especially evident if you live in a large city with good waves. The different types of surfers make themselves pretty clear. Luckily for you I have taken it upon myself to highlight and classify these different surfers, cause we all know that everyone feels safer once things have been categorised.
Rob Hope – Web Designer, entrepreneur
The Cocky Grom:
Generally speaking the Cocky Grom’s parents were the weed smoking surfer dudes that I mentioned earlier. His or her parents were forced into the working world (or not) and now they spend every free moment at the beach. Their kids never chose to surf, but are just products of their environment. The Cocky Grom kills it! And he knows he kills it, that’s why he’s ganna drop in on you next time you paddle out. A surf brand has quickly realised that this could be your countries future hope and has quickly placed their stickers on the nose of his board in exchange for clothes and contest entry fees further elevating the Cocky Grom into ultra cocky mode. The thing is, the Cocky Grom probably is your countries future hope, and we just going to have to live with them until they hit the WQS, get humbled, and return as courteous individuals.
Groms being groms while the coach scratches his head
The Varsity Party:
The loud and proud guys of your local line-up. They’re inspired by Dion Agius and Noah Dean and have black surfboards and use front deck pads. When Noah Dean took the WSL’s name in vain, they were there, pulling the bird and cursing the WSL as well. But we all know the WSL is too powerful for that nonsense. If the waves are good on Saturday, they’ll be out there, hanging around (in more ways than one), flipping the bird at sections they don’t make and puking their lungs out from their tequila endeavours the night before. But these guys are cool, they view surfing as purely an expression, and after their varsity party days, they’ll become articulate, well spoken individuals that ride twin fins and have cool styles, and if they don’t go to varsity, well then, they’ll probably end up something like Dave Rastovich.
The Entrepreneur (Who has brought his Dog Eat Dog World Approach Into the Water):
The men we all love to hate. They keep the economy chugging along, but they also keep chugging along on your wave even after you’ve called them off 35 times. Yep, the Entrepreneur has a certain sense of entitlement, look at them incorrectly, and you’ll be receiving a generous dose of stink eye for the next three sessions. But the entrepreneur does have a point, while you surfed this morning cause you work freelance, the Entrepreneur was attending meetings with clients that were probably giving him hell for something that doesn’t even make sense. So maybe once every five waves the entrepreneur drops in on you, you can give him the benefit of the doubt, and turn the other cheek.
Designer, jewellery buyer, healthfood guru, entrepreneur
The Surfer Girl:
I grew up in a city where the ratio of guys to girls was about 1:10. It’s weird. Being around so many men is horrible. Guys do strange things when there are so many men around. They get into fights, drag race the cars in parking lots and take off their shirts in clubs. Nobody needs that type of thing in their lives. Not even Vin Diesel. That’s why it’s nice to have surfer girls. What a pleasure. If the water’s warm, they’re in bikini’s, if it’s slightly cooler, they’ll be in those new retro surf capsules (I love those) and if it’s cold, well, um, then they’re just in wetsuits, but it’s still lovely. There’s nothing better then paddling out, seeing someone blow their tail, and then realising it’s a girl (Not that girls aren’t as good as guys, I’m not sexist), but it’s just nice seeing the fairer sex kill it.
The Big Wave Guy:
With balls slightly larger than an average man’s fists, these guys are on every swell. They’ve generally been held under longer than the length of Katey Perry’s latest hit single and they’ve seen waves that you hope never to encounter. They are the guys that show up as the wind swings offshore, or as the tide pushes just enough for that secret spot to start working. The BWG avoids cigarettes like an intensely introverted person avoids interaction with individuals they don’t know. You won’t see these guys out on Friday night if Saturday’s on. No ways, they’ve made love to their wives/girlfriends/boyfriends and are in bed before 8pm, cause it might just be the last time you get to hold your loved one (This applies to all Big Wave surfers except of course Christian Fletcher).
Dungeons big wave surfer
The Silver Surfer:
Aaaah yes, the Silver Surfer. The surfer we all want to one day become. Wrinkly and old, these guys have seen way to much sun. They know exactly which waves to take at your local line-up thanks to 40 years of being out there. They’re not the type to go for the small insiders and have absolutely no problem dropping in on you on the wave of the day. But that doesn’t matter, the Silver Surfer deserves every wave he paddles for, and you should be honoured to have him drop in on you. Give the Silver Surfer half a chance and he’ll talk your ear off on wide range of topics from how good it used to be out here, or that time he saw Tom Curren pull into a beast. But it doesn’t matter how much the Silver Surf talks, there’s always a couple of pearls of wisdom in his words.
Mike Meyer moved to J-Bay to surf, when the best waves come through at Supertubes he’s on them, whether you’re on the inside or not!
The stigma has been broken and surfers are all around us, get involved!
Real Estate Broker (left) and Doctor (right)